good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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