Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
