I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
