We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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