we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
