STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so much tequila, so little girl.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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