Umm I'm too high to move.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
