Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
