I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
