you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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