I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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