I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
