dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
BRING THE BAGELS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
