I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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