No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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