We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
