dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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