so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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