My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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