The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
