This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
