You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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