Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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