If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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