i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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