Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
