actually, I'm a sock model
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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