I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
