are you still at the devil's house?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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