Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
