who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
