You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
