i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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