Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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