Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
