I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
