Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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