Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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