my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
