cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
