Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
