Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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