i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
