I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
