I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
