you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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