omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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