Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize