Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
