I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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