Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
