I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
