I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
