I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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