Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
