This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
