My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Say something about gay babies.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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