it wasn't lemon gatorade
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
