So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
