Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
