i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
