"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
