well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
