And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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