i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I want is dick and wine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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