Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my being single is dangerous.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
