member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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