would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
