Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
