singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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