Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
