i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
