Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
