I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
this is an emotional support booty call
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
