Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
