When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
