I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
