i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
