You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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