Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
