I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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