We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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