I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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