turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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