So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
