I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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