I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
