he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i've created a new STD.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
