my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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