Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't deserve a penis
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize