i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
