Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
