The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
