Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
